Friday, April 9, 2010

A Scarlet Letter

In the book the scarlet letter is an "A" for adultery emblazoned on the main character's chest. In my life, it's a big red "D" painted on my wife's forehead. "D" for Doug, which is synonymous with "Apostate", "evil-doer", "the little Satan", and "corrupting influence from hell" in some circles. It is so appalling that so many people judge Joanna based on their perceptions of me. She is a social pariah now, an outcast, and this in a social group that preaches love, tolerance, and inclusiveness...unless of course you aren't exactly like them. Don't fit the mold? Don't bother.

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The Passive Aggressive Asskisser

Passive-aggressive people rarely confront situations and will avoid straightforward, honest communication. Instead of expressing their needs or desires, they will pretend that all is well. Hostility will be couched and hidden but never displayed overtly. Envy, jealousy, or dislike can turn into trash-talking and back-biting at every opportunity.

This is especially true in the workforce. I grow so tired of the asskissing that turns into back-stabbing as soon as I leave the room. People are petty, and the office is no place to find friendship.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A Test

A man had a wife and three children who he loved greatly. He wanted only what was best for them. He knew that they needed to grow in strength and virtue, and he wanted to see if they really loved him like they should. So he devised a test for them. The youngest was a boy, David, the middle child was a girl, Mary, and the oldest a boy named Matthew. David and Mary were the two closest siblings, playing together all the time. The father saw that the best way to test Mary was to inflict pain on David. So he secretly introduced small doses of poison to his food on a daily basis. Soon David grew ill. Mary became sad. She became concerned, as concerned as a small child is capable of. The children's mother became distraught. He told his family to be strong, that this was a test, and if they pulled through it, they would all be stronger. After several painful weeks, David passed away. Mary stopped talking. The children's mother was inconsolable. She became depressed and committed suicide. The father did his best to raise the remaining children alone. Eventually, Mary had to be institutionalized. Matthew grew up without a mother. Without a brother. Without a sister. When he was 18, the father sat him down and told him what he had done. He said he'd done it to test them all, and that because they all had free will, his mother and sister had failed the test. Only Matthew had passed the firs test, but the knowledge he now had would determine the outcome of his final test. Matthew became angry and blamed David and his mother's deaths on the Man. He left home and never spoke to his father again.

Was the man in this story:

A) A monster
B) Misguided
C) A Benevolent Father who Loves His Children

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Toilet Texting

So I walk into the men's restroom the other day at work and while I'm giving back to nature what she gave to me, I hear "click, click, click, click, click, click, pause, click, click, pause, etc." coming from the stall next to me. Yes, a man was in there texting while on the toilet. I couldn't believe it! Then to make matters worse, he left without washing his hands. That was a phone, you freak! You're going to put it up to your MOUTH later...and we wonder why human fecal matter persists as a measurable part of the human diet!

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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Urinal Animals

I think we can all agree that men are dogs. I mean, look at Tiger Woods. But another evidence that men are animals, is the puddles under and in front of the urinals I have to negotiate every time I use the bathroom. I think most of us have come to expect this type of foul mess at public restrooms, say at a highway rest stop, a football stadium, maybe an elementary school, but in a place of business where almost everyone involved holds an engineering degree and dresses in button-ups and slacks is surprising. Well, not really, I suppose. Taking the "wide stance" to avoid stepping in other peoples drippings is the norm. Don't even get me started on toilets in men's restrooms. That is a whole other rant that I may write. In the meantime, I will continue to "sidestep" this issue as long as men are animals at the urinal.

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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

On Faith and Logic

There is room for FAITH in the logical mind. But not for blind faith. The former is supportable by past evidence, while the latter is merely wishful thinking. I can have faith that the sun will rise (even behind the clouds) tomorrow (even though I do not know that it will), just as it has every single day for 4.5billion years on this earth. I cannot have faith in a universal resurrection of the dead, as there is no proof anyone has ever been resurrected, and everyone I know who has died is still worm food.

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Friday, February 19, 2010

Ski Bunnies and Curling Buddies

There is a good reason the International Olympic Committee and organizers of the 2010 Winter Games made 100,000 condoms available to the 7,000 guests (Athletes, coaches, trainers, staff) staying in the Olympic Village. Actually, I should say there are SEVERAL good reasons:

Lindsey Jacobellis (US Ski Team) and Sasha Cohen (US Figure Skater)

I could see Lindsey making guys want to go "hit the slopes" and Sasha Cohen sure puts the "figure" back into skating!

Tanith Belbin (US Ice Dancer) makes you wonder how the ice stays frozen, and Australia's gift to broom sports, Claudia Toth, makes you wonder if most guys have the stones to "curl" up with her! But American freestyle skier Kristi Leskinen seems almost as comfortable posing in her skives as she is skiing for gold, leaving most guys to wonder if she's ever done them at the same time...

I had to crop the picture to keep it under control. Apparently, though, the athletes and their support staffs can't keep it under control. But at least the IOC is acting like responsible adults and providing condoms. In case you are wondering, 100,000 comes out to 14 condoms for each person, which sounds about right...don't the Olympics last two weeks?

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